This will be my second year with the National Science Foundation's REU Fiji UAB group. Yep, that means I get to put NSF Fellow on my CV/resume twice! :-D I'm also getting paid to go abroad again, which I was sure was a once in a student career kind of thing. This year's group seems mature, focused, and awesome. We're also focusing less on archaeology this year and more on ethnography, so I'll be doing more interviews and participant observation. I'm really excited about getting to try out new methods. Most importantly, however, this year I'll be starting the groundwork for my Masters thesis dealing (hopefully) with ritual and social space from an ethnoarchaeological perspective.
Which brings to me a point that I've been thinking a lot about lately. I find myself anxious about the trip this year, perhaps even more so than last year. This would seem odd, especially since last year's nervousness stemmed mostly from having absolutely no idea what I was getting into. This year I know what's in store (mostly...a lot of stuff is still up in the air, though), so you'd think I'd be much more chill about the whole thing. Wrong. I'm more nervous than ever. But this time the source is quite different. I'm apprehensive about the research itself. I know how important these first steps into my Masters thesis will be, and I really don't want to mess it up.
I know some people would be thinking (and some have already told me) that of course you won't screw anything up! You always do well! Yeah, well, you're usually right. But this isn't logic talking. This is fear and insecurity. Look up "impostor phenomenon/syndrome" and you might have a better idea of what I'm talking about. I'm terrified that I'll start the research and realize, "Oh my god, I actually CAN'T do this!" Sounds silly, I know, but the feelings are there nonetheless. That's why I've determined that my goal for this field season is to do the work I've laid out for myself and prove to myself that I AM capable of doing this type of research. I am able to carry out the future career I've laid out for myself. And along the way, I'll keep reminding myself that little setbacks are normal...I am still a student, after all! :-)
So basically, it's going to be another great field season, and I'm excited to continue expanding my anthropological horizons. Stay tuned for future updates! We leave on Saturday (less than a week!), and then we'll have 2 or 3 days in Suva before heading out to Nayau. Like last year, I won't have any internet access on Nayau, for about 3.5 weeks, so don't expect any updates during that period. I should have about a week or so back on the main island at the end of the trip though, so there will hopefully be recaps then!
Moce mada!
Mala
